Amalgam: Spider-Gwen vs Harley Quinn
by Masterless
Summary: This was inspired by the popularity of both Spider-Gwen and the new Suicide Squad version of Harley Quinn; of course the 1996 crossover, Amalgam was a big time skeleton for this little piece. Now, I'm not here to settle any kind of comic debates; I know how crazy it can get. I'm not doing any deathmatch studying or anything like that. This is pure fanfiction and for fun!
1. Spider vs Jester

The sound of gunshots echoing is not out of the norm for this part of town. Some might even say the frustrated screaming that follows after is normal as well. In this day and age, anything could be normal seeing how men can fly, gods are real, and demons take the form of mortals. So the gunshots are just typical background noise—aside from having Batman (or a few caped crusaders for that matter), chaotic sounds in the night is what Gotham is known for.

"Stand still Spider-chick!" Gotham has seen Harley Quinn before, no doubt. Her oversized gun is the culprit for the gunshots this evening, and yes, she is the mayhem host for the night. "I'm getting a headache with all that bouncing around!"

Harley's agitation is every bit justified with her target being as difficult to shoot despite the bright colored costume that screams as a target. While Gotham is no stranger to vibrant colored costumes, Harley's opponent, a woman who seems to posses unnatural skill for evasive maneuvers, is definitely a new face in the neighborhood.

"Aw, poor little jester," flipping off the wall to avoid another barrage of bullets, the woman lands on the ground, squatting in a posture that is almost too unnatural for a human body to be in, "getting a headache because she lets her mouth do the aiming for her."

"Shuttap Spider-chick!"

"By the way, the name's Spider-Woman," quickly maneuvering herself out of Harley's next barrage of bullets, Spider-Woman rushes towards her opponent.

"I don't _care_ what your name is! I'm going to squash you!" pulling her other gun out of the holster, Harley makes her shooting twice as deadly, but not anymore efficient.

"You should care!" rolling out of the way and shooting a web line to pull herself up, Spider-Woman swings herself out of the line of fire. "You're going to need to tell the cops the name of the gal who will leave you all webbed up in front of their door!"

The quip about knowing who she is was more or less just an effort to agitate the already frustrated Harley. In fact, as a complete stranger to this neighborhood—to this world, Gwen can hardly give a damn about people calling her 'Spider-Woman'. In fact, she hasn't gotten used to people calling her Spider-Woman back at home. It's a monumental title that she knows has been used before, and it's not like she is trying to live up to the mantle; she's just trying to do what is right. Gwen is trying her best to use her great power responsibly, and if it means going at it with a volatile clown girl from another universe, then so be it. With that in mind, Gwen shoots a web and pulls herself forward, avoiding yet a few more bullets, swinging pass the crazed jester, and pulling a gun out of her opponent's hand with another line of webbing.

"Hey! That's mine!" not being happy about having one of her guns taken away, Harley retaliates with her other gun, firing off the last few bullets until the gun is just making a clicking noise. Still infuriated, she keeps pressing on the trigger despite lacking the result she demands.

"Nu-uh! Your little temper tantrum forced me to take it away from you!" Gwen taunts, sticking to the wall close to her. "Now you better calm down before I send you to the corner."

"Get down here you little b*tch and I'll show you tantrums!"

Slightly having forced to dodge from Harley throwing her gun at her, Gwen repositions herself, her back against the wall as she gives her opponent a sarcastic and disappointed gesture of palming her face. Though Gwen has to admit, Harley has better aim at throwing than she does at shooting. "Oh and that language too. Okay, you forced my hand then!"

It's not like Harley isn't used to condescending treatment. She gets it all the time from Selina—not to mention her _ex-'boyfriend'_ wasn't exactly the most considerate person she has ever associated herself with. But the fact that she has a stranger, one who seems to have the audacity to claim that she is here to 'teach Harley some manners', it doesn't settle in well with the crazed jester of Gotham. Clearly in Harley's mind, this wall-sticking metahuman doesn't know who she is dealing with. Though to Harley's dismay, seems like she doesn't have the best idea of her opponent either since the woman's speed takes her off guard. With an agile maneuver of pushing off the wall, Spider-Woman takes Harley by surprise with an uppercut to her face, which sends the jester flying in midair. Before letting Harley even absorb the gamut of the situation, Gwen delivers another punch that sends her enemy back to the ground. Gwen follows, landing on top, as if she is indeed a spider ready to wrap her prey within a cocoon.

 _Thwip!_

Harley suddenly finds her left arm stuck on the ground due to the weird substance Spider-Woman shot out of her hand. Trying to pull it free seems impossible at the moment, especially when her opponent is hovering on top of her in a dangerously close position.

"Get offa me you wall-stickin bimbo!"

"Oh how creative! You called me a wall-sticking _bimbo_!" Gwen made it a point to imitate Harley's accent to the best of her ability when she reiterated the crazed harlequin's insult. "I should've webbed up that dirty little mouth of yours the moment I heard you talk."

"I'm a bit _shocked_ , toots. Most people _go crazy_ the moment I give them pet names."

"I wonder why—" before Gwen can finish her sentence, " _Spider Sense!_ "

As Gwen was about to act on her thoughts, she suddenly feels an excruciating pain surging through her body. Unable to hold her composure, Gwen falls to the side, completely losing her advantage over Harley. Seizing the opportunity she made for herself, Harley cuts her hand free of the strange 'webbing' and stands over Gwen who is still convulsing thanks to the small device that Harley has on her palm: a lethal version of a handshake prank toy. Any non-metahuman would definitely succumb to unconsciousness or perhaps worse; lucky for Gwen, she has a bit more durability despite feeling the agony.

"I hate to break it to ya," Harley taunts as she brandishes the knife she used to cut herself free, "but you're not very funny. Your little jokes and wisecracks didn't make me laugh. But you thinking you can beat me was pretty funny so I'll give you a reward, spider-chick!" with one glance at the knife, Harley tosses it aside and walks over to her beloved weapon that she dropped very early in the tussle—the candy cane patterned metal bat is something Harley would never part with if she can help it. Her next favorite weapon would be her colossal mallet of course, but that isn't available at the moment. "Oh, I'm not gonna kill you," strutting back at the prone Spider-Gwen, Harley holds her bat over her shoulder, letting her other hand rest on it, "I'm just gonna hurt you. _Really, really bad_."

Gwen isn't really registering anything that Harley has said for the past few minutes. Instead Gwen is using whatever energy she is regaining to reclaim her equilibrium. Just getting to her feet was a task—her vision still blurry and her ears are hearing muffled sounds all around her. Though her spider-sense seems to be working; too bad her body can't respond in time.

"Aaahhh!" a collision of something metal against her back immediately drops Gwen back on all fours. Before the pain truly settles in, she feels the same blow again, causing her to fall face first, letting out another scream. Once again, the only thing that is saving her from being brutally injured is her superhuman durability, but the pain is still blinding. Not to mention, Harley doesn't let off and her boot connecting to Gwen's side adds to agony; at least Gwen can still take some comfort that it was only a kick. But that thought of comfort quickly goes away as Harley starts stomping Gwen, making sure that the pointy heel of her boots connects every single time.

"Ain't slick now when you're stuck on the ground, huh?" with a final stomp, Harley digs her boot into Gwen and keeps the pressure as she lifts her bat high, "I better hope you still got some more, cause I'm not done beating the crap out of you!"

Still in pain and jarred by the last few hits, Gwen endures and quickly rolls away, causing Harley to hit the concrete with her bat. Feeling the result of colliding her weapon with the ground, Harley finds herself momentarily occupied, but that was all that Gwen needed to spring forward, connecting with a kick, taking the air out of Harley as her stomach folds from the pressure of having both Gwen's feet digging right through her. Stumbling back and falling on one knee, Harley tries to regain the air she lost, keeping herself upright with her bat, eyes full of rage at the sight of Gwen (who is also still recovering).

"You'll pay for that!"

With a demented look in her eyes, Harley quickly rushes at Gwen and when she gains the proper range, she swings her bat with the pure intent of breaking a few bones. Barely evading the first strike from shuffling back, Gwen jumps over the counter swing and pulls herself forward in midair with a web, then kicks Harley in the face as she web-swings forward. The result is immediate, blood coming out of Harley's mouth as she spits, but it was only a moment of embracing the pain. Soon Harley Quinn is already on the attack, chasing after Gwen, screaming from the top of her lungs with the bat in hand with such vehemence. Turning herself around, Gwen swings lower and towards Harley, evading the bat in time to stick both her hands on Harley's back and with the momentum she gained from web swinging, Gwen flips forward, throwing her opponent over her, inflicting a very painful landing on the crazed jester. Not letting this opportunity pass, Gwen pushes forward, but with her spider-sense blaring inside her head, Gwen quickly halts her attack as Harley rolls back on her feet before flipping backwards—amidst the retreating handsprings, Harley hurls a few peculiar clown shaped grenades towards Gwen's direction. They let out a small explosion, but most definitely dangerous enough. Luckily Gwen feigned backwards in time, otherwise she would have taken the full intent of Harley's cover attack.

"I think you're stupid _and_ crazy for not staying down," Gwen crouches as she lands, preparing herself for another attack.

"Could say the same about you!" fixing her jacket as it slid off her shoulders, Harley takes a stance, holding her bat tightly as she prepares to attack as well.

"You're not going to win this."

"Again, not very good with the jokes, ya know?"

As if Gwen was really in the mood to joke around at the moment. Sore, bruised, and possibly a few fractured bones, this Spider-Woman has made up her mind that playing around with her opponent isn't the best idea—she isn't as fragile as Gwen thought her to be. As for Harley Quinn, she is well aware that the woman she is fighting is stronger and faster than her. In that case, Harley has to be a bit more unorthodox, unpredictable, and daring. Wiping the blood off her lips, Harley grabs a hold of her bat with both hands and as fast as her legs can take her, she pushes forward, letting the sound of her anger bounce off the alleyway. Mirroring the intent, Spider-Gwen uses a lamppost to propel herself forward. In a matter of moments, the two will go for another round and Gotham will be introduced to another chaotic rivalry. Both sides have the intent to win but there can only be one victor.


	2. Spider-Gwen Victory

The webbing came fast and efficiently, which rendered Harley's arms useless as they are pinned tightly against her torso. She struggled of course, pulling, twisting, straining every bit of leeway she had left to try and regain her freedom; but it was in vain. Her only chance was to be able to take a hold of some of her hidden knives, but even that idea was quickly taken away from her as Gwen reeled her in before jumping to the nearest wall. She didn't stay there long; in fact, Gwen pushed off to the next wall, and to the next, and every time she did, she got higher and higher off the ground. Harley screamed; first they were vocal outbursts of her anger due to the humiliation of dangling in the air, helpless to whatever plans Spider-Woman had for her, but soon the complaints turned to shrieks of fear. By the time they Gwen reached a certain height, Harley then wished that the taut webbing that restrained her would remain as strong as they did. When Gwen finally stopped bouncing from wall to wall, it wasn't exactly something Harley could take comfort in. Instead she finally received a dose of epiphany—her opponent's intent was to gain enough elevation and when she did, she spun in mid air, rolling herself downwards and with her body spinning the way it did, Harley was along for the ride.

The shrieks that came out of Harley's mouth was justified since the feeling of the rollercoaster gone wild stopping meant that the imminent collision would result to… _Pain_. Thrown into a pile of garbage, Harley Quinn hardly kept herself from blacking out due to the collision, though the feeling of Gwen landing with all her weight… it was then that Harley felt herself lose all grip of her consciousness. As she felt herself slipping into blackness, the jester cursed under her breath from her defeat—a degrading loss that smells like filthy and raunchy garbage.

That is the last thing Harley wants to recall, but sadly, she isn't given much choice. After all, it's not like her current travel companion is interested in listening to her. "N'm guung mu mull uh Hhfumnl-numh!" even if she was interested, Harley can't exactly be understood. "Uhnn Uh gnm hlnn, N'm guung mu muhmn uh hfuhu!" Gwen made sure that a patch of webbing deters the ear piercing screaming of her unlikely travel companion. So far it has done wonders to rendering Harley to a few grunts and mumbles—the decibel is muffled to the point where Harley barely hears herself; of course web slinging through the city in 40 mph doesn't exactly help the idea of her being heard.

"Can't understand you, _toots_!" with the swing of her current webbing reaching its end, Gwen lets it go and shoots another one with the same hand, maintaining the momentum she's been trying to have in this little late night 'stroll'. "And I'd ask you directions to the nearest police station, but I think I like you just the way you are!"

Of course Gwen wasn't expecting Harley to reply in a compliant way even if she wasn't gagged, but she sure wishes that she finds the police station soon. Gallivanting through an unknown city in her current condition isn't exactly how Gwen would like to spend the evening, but it has to be done. The woman she succeeded in restraining isn't the type of person that should be out on the streets. The police station, wherever it may be, will be her next stop until she can figure things out.

"N'll mull uhuuu!"

Rolling her eyes under her mask, Gwen tugs on the webbing that is keeping Harley on her grip—akin to the handles of a luggage bag, it does an adequate job of making sure that Spider-Woman keeps her unlikely companion from falling. "Just relax will you!"

Of course Harley doesn't take kindly to Gwen's chiding. Screaming through the web over her mouth, Harley tries one more time to find it in her to break free of the webbing that is keeping her the way she is. Though straining through the tough webbing proves to be too much even for Harley Quinn's exuberance. Not only are the webbing too durable for her to break free, but there also seems to be some 'coherent' pattern that was applied in courtesy of Gwen; in fact, the feeling of the web on her ankles and her wrists feels a bit too similar to rope. If Harley was to mistake it for a cord of some sort, Gwen won't exactly blame her for it. While the webbing wrapped around Harley Quinn's upper body are the familiar erratic pattern, Gwen modified the ones restraining the limbs. The ones binding Harley's wrists are layered and hardened so Gwen was able to loop it around, pull it taut a few times, and of course enable a strict and effective tie that keeps Harley's wrists crossed behind her. The jester's feet was given the same treatment and just to add more restriction, Harley's legs are bent back with another line of web connecting her wrists and ankles together, thus making sure that Harley would be forced in a tight hogtie. The position infuriates Harley to no extent and it's been obvious in all her attempts of freeing herself. Despite her tantrums and all her threats, Harley isn't about to break free any time soon. She is as Gwen wants her to be: a tight and convenient _item_ to deliver. Letting that idea settle in once more, Harley screams one more time, thrashing to and fro, pulling and twisting; it only lasted a few seconds before she stops. Most of her incentive to cease movements was of course the fact that she was stuck, but the other was all her squirming about did cause Gwen to lose some of her concentration.

"I can't promise you that I'll be able to catch you if you slip out of my grip!"

Through the wind and all her screaming, Harley heard Gwen's words and responds accordingly. "Uh nnmmnl num mluhf mn!"

Despite the obvious aggravation underneath the tapped lips, Gwen could tell that a bit of compliance finally settled within her captive. Perhaps it's because that Gwen literally almost did drop her and Harley realized the extent of that worse case scenario. Of course she still grumbles through her gag, her bound hands still clenched in tight fists, and the fire in Harley's eyes has yet to die. Gwen can deal with the sass as long as her captive remains as she is; after all, web slinging one handed with a pugnacious cargo on the other isn't exactly ideal. That and regardless if she won this bout, there is still the matter of trying to figure out _how_ to find her way back home. The man named Access didn't exactly give her any useful information before sending her to that dark alleyway with the crazed Harley Quinn to deal with. As soon as Gwen feels that Harley Quinn is no longer a threat, that will be her first priority: to get back to her world and perhaps consort with the other Spiders to see if they are affected by Access's arrival. Though Gwen will receive an answer soon enough; but not the one she wanted.

"She is ours, little spider!" a black blur whizzes pass Gwen and before she can react, she is struck by a force so strong that it forces her out of her webbing route. Gwen's loses grip of her unlikely companion, which of course elicits a frantic scream through the web gag.

"No!" Gwen regains her composure, shooting a web to the nearest building. Sticking to the closest wall, Gwen immediately spots her assailant who manages to have the bound and gagged Harley Quinn carried over the shoulder. "Y-You're…"

"We are the lethal protector, little spider."

Gwen quickly realizes why her spider-sense didn't go off. In her adventure in the multiverse, stories of the Symbiote that once belonged to Peter Parker is infamous. Harley of course doesn't know much about the one who is known as Venom. The only thing she knows is that the gooey feeling, the feral fanged face, and the drooling snake like tongue isn't something she can take comfort in. She screams through her gag once again, her vigor returned to her and she struggles mightily in hopes that she can break free.

"Get a hold of yourself, Flash! It's not—"

"Flash? Flash Thompson?! Little spider, you've got it all wrong! We are _us_ once more. We _are the lethal protector!_ For once again and _forever_ , WE ARE VENOM!"

"… Eddie Brock…" Gwen knows that things just got worse.

 **End?**


	3. Harley Quinn Victory

The force of Harley's bat hitting her in the face was enough to send Gwen stumbling a few steps back. With her head ringing in pain, Gwen was given no reprieve as Harley hurls her weapon, hitting Gwen once more in the head; again the jester's aim was far better with throwing than shooting. While Gwen dealt with the pain and the lack of focus, Harley charged forward with her right fist cocked back as if she was preparing to throw a punch. As disoriented Gwen was, she could have easily dodged the punch with minimal effort, and so she did, though Harley was expecting that. The moment Gwen jumped in the air, Harley slid underneath and along the way, and she placed some sort of device shaped like cake. The moment Harley pulled a piece of the cake, the seemingly harmless dessert started to let off sparks and Gwen immediately deciphered what her spider-sense was blaring about. Still dealing with being struck on the head with the bat, Gwen's reaction was far too slow and it cost her. The 'cake' exploded after a single beeping sound and Gwen caught the majority of the heat and the force, which sent her flying with an unfriendly landing. Scorched, aching in just about every part of her body, then there was the spider-sense pounding her head… Spider-Gwen was not at her finest moment for sure. Even the act of getting herself to an upright position and off the ground was an excruciating task.

"You shoulda just given up, Spider-chick," then there was Harley Quinn with that bat in hand; though the gun she aimed at Gwen's head was probably the more daunting weapon, "now your brains are gonna be splattered all over this place!"

With those words, Gwen was afraid her time came. Closing her eyes as Harley Quinn pulled the trigger, Spider-Woman prepared for the _end_ —though what came was merely an extended flag that unraveled from within the barrel; the word 'bang' in extravagant lettering was written on the flag. To Gwen's astonishment, the gun was nothing more than a prank. With fear and anger still prominent in her face, Gwen demanded for an answer through her facial expression.

"Whoopsie!" Harley giggled as she tossed the gun aside. "Wrong gun! Guess you're gonna live after all!" at a normal situation the news would have been liberating; but that moment was far from a normal situation—in fact, when Gwen saw Harley take hold of her bat with both hands, she had an inkling that the end would have been a better route. "Sleep tight, toots!" And with a swing of her weapon, Gwen felt her head ring with pain before she blacked out completely. Of course the ear-piercing laugh that came out of Harley's mouth resonated inside Gwen's head before she completely lost consciousness. Not exactly the last sound she would like to hear before shutting out of the world around her.

When Gwen finally woke up, the same taunting laughter of Harley was the first thing that greeted her. Getting knocked out and waking up to the same annoying laugh isn't exactly something Gwen would want to keep in her memory banks. That and her condition didn't get better with her forced nap. The headache is almost unbearable and it's not about to go away any time soon. What Gwen wouldn't give to be able to comfort herself instead of having to endure what she is currently dealing with.

"uuuhh..." Gwen lets out a groan, shifting uncomfortably in her forced position.

"Don't sound so glum! Least you got a good driver!" the abrupt turns and the dangerous speed Harley is going doesn't necessarily comfort Gwen at the least, though someone's bad driving is hardly something she can put her full attention to. Being strapped to the passenger seat and going to an unknown location with the crazed jester is probably something anyone would freak out about more than anything at the moment. "Ya know, didn't really expect you to be a blondie! Didn't picture you as one. I heard that Spider-Women these days sport black hair."

"Nu... hmuhf!" Gwen tries to vocalize her disagreement with Harley reaching over and pulling her mask up. Of course she is unable to do anything about it. Soon she finds herself mask-less, the hood of her costume pulled back as Harley unceremoniously takes the mask and studies it. Of course this wouldn't be the first time that Harley has taken Gwen's mask off; having pulled it off when Gwen was unconscious, Harley placed it back after she wrapped duct tape around the helpless Spider-Woman's head a few times to effectively gag her.

"Mask and hood huh? Weird. Still, I've seen worse before. And I've fought worse before."

Gwen growls under the layers of tape wrapped around her head at Harley's taunting. She would love nothing more than to pound Harley's face in some more, but unfortunately with her hands tautly tied behind her and pinned between her body and the seat, she's not going to do anything meaningful with them any time soon. Though Gwen isn't known without her obstinacy; with the idea of truly beating her captor's brains out, she tries fervently to pull her hands away from each other, straining her arms, groaning through the tape, and working with every movement available to her. At first she attempts to be methodical with it but as time passes, she realizes that her strength can't break through the cords forcing her hands together—thin and metal like ropes that aren't cutting through circulation, but would bite against her skin the more she attempts to break them. She feels her bonds agitate her more when she starts struggling frantically. Eventually she gives up, sagging her aching and bound body on her seat with an audible frustrated sigh underneath her gag.

"Don't work yourself up to a sweat over there!" performing yet another sharp turn and barely missing the wall, Harley keeps on speeding through the city. "You ain't getting out of there! Held Super-chick for a long while before her stupid teammates came around. Hate to break it to you, but you ain't exactly in her _league_."

The words were insulting enough, but the patronizing gesture of Harley petting her on the cheek, as if she is some child—well it drives Gwen's anger to new heights and she lets it be known through more unintelligible complaints. Unconsciously, Gwen starts to fight against her bonds, this time adding her well-tied legs within the struggle. Though bound with the same metallic ropes on the knees and ankles, Gwen isn't getting free any time soon. The few seconds of bucking and thrashing has done nothing to loosen her bonds or the straps holding her on the chair; though Gwen did manage to stomp her bound feet on the ground, which of course Harley took note of.

"I have to admit, you are cute when you are throwing a tantrum," with another taunting gesture of bopping Gwen's nose, Harley lets out a hysterical giggle before suddenly slamming on her brakes. "… no…!"

"Mmmmmppphh!" Gwen squeals through her gag from the straps tightening around her body due to the abrupt movement, which caused her head to rock forward before slamming back. "OOUUU! Uuuhm mhn hnll?!"

"No… it can't be…" the wide eyed expression on Harley causes Gwen to demand answers through her gag, though the jester barely acknowledges her captive's howling underneath the tape speech impediment. "Is it… is it really you?"

Turning her head in front of her to follow Harley's gaze, in front of the car, the headlights ominously shines on a man that is wearing a peculiar purple suit.

"Of course it's me, Harley, who else could it be?" as the man speaks, Gwen feels an uneasy tingle all over her body that coincides with her spider-sense. She squirms in discomfort, shrinking within the confines of her chair as if trying to hide herself form sight.

"Mistah J?" the tone in Harley's voice mirrors her astonished expression. A myriad of emotions starts to overflow within her and she is frozen in place, unable to react to any one of them that is consuming her. "… Puddin?"

The man said nothing in response. Instead he merely smiles—a devilish smile that accentuates the already creepy presence he is exuding. When he finally speaks, the wide grin plastered in his face doesn't go away, in fact, it gets even more sinister. "Yes, Harley, it's me. Come home to Daddy. And bring your cute little friend with you."

 **End?**


End file.
